I am Infinite in One. I am One of Infinite.

October Morsels of Existence

Oct 14, 2024

This letter was supposed to be my public post for September, but here we are in mid-October. I look out at the last grip of hot Mid-Atlantic sun, massaging every cell in my body, whispering, “You don’t have to apologize.” I wish I were sitting in the sun, but I shall write.

I will offer two big public posts this month. This is the first.

In the spirit of the season, I come with treats! No lengthy excavation here (that’s the next letter). Instead, here are little treats for you to nibble on or swallow whole.

Table of Offering

A Brief Divination Pull on the Overwhemlingoverstimulatingoverexhausting State of Things, for my Sanity and Yours.
Video Reading of “Destroying and Era, Not a Planet”
Book Art Reveals: The Seers and Death in the Mouth: Vol II
Children of the Harvest: Autumnal Playlist—Reboot
Ghosts of Halloween Past: Through the Thinning Veil, Fall Fantasy clothing line, ghosts, and a Horror/Fairytale Audio Story

To begin, a deceptively(?) simple morsel of advice from my Enochian cards on navigating the “too much” of it all.

This reading is very short, but it also feels like the start of a long reading. It makes sense that a divination reading about navigating being overwhelmed and burnt out would take one small step at a time.

My readings are always for consideration, not instruction. They are always partial truths; I could never convey the whole picture.

With the beings who guide me, I offer one short, tangible exercise to slow down and remind myself who you are.

I asked my Enochian Tarot card deck:

What is your advice for navigating an overwhelming existence?

80. OAAA (Oh-ah-ah-ah) Higher Sephirothic Cross Angels of Earth (Inverted)

Close-up of an Enochian Tarot card that says 80. OAAA Higher Sephirothic Cross Angels of Earth. The background is sandy hill with an organized row of four angels walking to the top to reach their airs up and feel the air. The 80. is where the card itself sits in the overall order. It’s the 80th card in the stack. OAAA is the Enochian name of the region. — Close-up of an Enochian Tarot card that says 80. OAAA Higher Sephirothic Cross Angels of Earth. The background is a sandy hill with an organized row of four angels walking to the top to reach their air up and feel the air. The 80. is where the card itself sits in the overall order. It’s the 80th card in the stack. OAAA is the Enochian name of the region.

“Failed action, ignorance, lack of success in an enterprise, lack of obedience.”

These angels are expressions of order and intelligent action.

You can reshape the overwhelming feelings through intentionality, practice, and realignment.

The abundant swallowing activates your flight or fight responses. You are taken out of the full capability of your mind and into bodily fear and anxiety.

The inverted OAAA card in this reading isn’t saying we’re a failure. It is saying we are not being obedient to ourselves.

You came into life as yourself to be yourself. This is not the gold sticker at the top of the worksheet, “Be yourself” or “You are special.”

When we say BE–the English active verb of existing–we want you to stop and take a moment to realize that you could be infinite things, but you are you.

Take the time to map out what makes you, you.

If it helps, literally map it out. Take the time to list, draw, and diagram all the things that make you who you are. Then, look for patterns and stories. What is the narrative of your existence? By being intentional, we can reground in who we are and what our purpose is.

By grounding within ourselves, we are able to pinpoint what in our lives does not align with who we are and remove it. If you can’t remove it, like many of our survival strategies, take the time to think about how these things can be reshaped to better align with who you are. You have the ability to shape your life. You are an artist. You are a magus. Your experiences are yours.

All of our oppression tells us the opposite. This card encourages us to rhythmically remind ourselves of who we are to reclaim our power. Be kind to yourself, and please do this in small moments if necessary; it will build.

Take time to revel in what makes you!

I always ask myself, “What would little Malachi think about this?” I turn to my inner self, my child self, who was my pure essence before the world flooded in.

I always ask myself why, as that’s what children must do. When did we lose the impulse to question everything?

Even simply asking “why” you love the media you love can align you with the truths of who you are. Everything you are is sacred, even that song you have stuck in your head.

Questioning why I am on this planet has been supportive. That line of questioning led me to my first long-form project: The Kow Chronicles.

This is an abridged reading of my newsletter, “Destroying an Era, Not a Planet,” which I shared as my final reading for my artist/writing residency in Orquevaux, France. I discuss Mother Kow, the planet I am writing about for my sci-fi/fantasy trilogy and the tenants I seek to embody in her stories.

This spoken message is relevant to navigating these surges of short-circuiting existence. It’s a message of grounding myself in my purpose: to be a messenger and an ecosystem.

I root into my planet and extend my arms to the infinite with discernment. I send out what she wants to say and bring in the messages of what or who wishes to speak to us, for us.

That sounds exceptionally broad and specific at once, which is part of the grounding process. I must hone and hone to know exactly what my configuration of molecules needs to be doing. I ask, why do I love what I love, who I love? In my questions, I specify my existence. Yes, I am the infinite in one, but I am also one of infinite.

I’m only supposed to be doing the work of one, not all. If I try to do all, I spread myself too thin, I overwhelm myself, and I end up doing nothing. If there’s one thing I know, I am not here to do nothing.

The Seers + Death in the Mouth

The Seers

Both of these projects fit the theme of the haunting season, so it is not a coincidence that they are some of my favorites of the year.

The out-of-focus texture of a Black queer man is rendered in charcoal and graphite. Flowers go in and out of his body, and a hand pulls down his pants to expose his ass—the title reading, "The Seers," a novel. A brilliant red is nearly glowing through the dark charcoal.

The first is for Coffee House Press. I created a cover illustration for Sulaiman Addonia’s novel, “The Seers,” which is a masterpiece of sexuality, queer/Black/immigrant survival, generational trauma, and mental health all in one boiling paragraph weaved in with an act of queer sex!

I discuss it more in my interview with electricliterature.com/exclusive-cover-…, where you can read about this piece’s relationship to heat, how I sought to avoid censorship, and the symbolism of each flower.

Death in the Mouth

I did this one many months ago but could not talk about it until now!

An adolescent person is lovingly turned into eldritch dust as their body is pulled apart and their limbs and organs undulate in graphite.

I did one of the illustrations for the second volume of the BIPOC horror collection, Death in the Mouth.

I illustrated a story, “From Dust We Came,” by Samuel Marzioli. A charming adolescent tale of disjoined, of not belonging, one where eldritch dust calls you home more and more every day. I wanted to commit to fully using graphite for this piece, including graphite lubricant–a graphite dust you can paint with a brush. It was a lush challenge of anatomy and pulling a part of anatomy like the noodles stuck at the pot's bottom. The virtual book launch was supposed to be tomorrow (10/14/24), but the hosting bookshop is in NC, so it’s unclear what will happen.

You can learn more about the book launch and ready yourself to buy the book:

Here

(It seems you might be able to preorder the book if you register, I’m not sure)

and Here.

Also, for fun, I was very proud of this part of my illustration for a commission I did for In These Times magazine!

The graphite and charcoal drawing of an archway window. Through it you can see a river leading to the horizon. In the distance the sun shines and the clouds swirl around it as if spinning and dancing. — This is a graphite and charcoal drawing of an archway window. Through it, you can see a river leading to the horizon. In the distance, the sun shines, and the clouds swirl around it as if spinning and dancing.

I’ve been falling back in love with graphite. It’s a medium I banned for myself because of my toxic perfectionism because it’s a medium you can erase. I only used ink and acrylic paint for years, and I still will, but right now, graphite and I are getting to know each other all over again. For example, in The Seers piece and this one, I’m having a lot of fun etching into Bristol with a sharp pencil and then drawing over it with a much softer pencil to create an etching-like appearance.

Children of the Harvest

I have reVAMPed (like a vampire, Halloween pun, HA) my Autumnal playlist for you! I present Children of the Harvest to crawl into your ears and make a home in you. It’s quite pleasant, I assure you.

Children of the Harvest has the thrumming warmth of cinnamon on your tongue, cut with a dash of cayenne that you feel at the end of your hot chocolate sip. There are ecstatic hyper pop ghoulish romps and contemplative ambient creaks as your bones pop while you curl in on yourself. You’ll find many gothic Black artists of different genres, fantasy metal, jazz standards, late 90s angst, sounds of rain and crunching leaves, and haunting melodies from around the world.

Please listen in order at least once <3

Ghosts of Halloween Past

What if you’re drawing to the end of this letter and you are craving something more *tastes the air* spectral in theme? Well, I encourage you to look at last October’s letter, “Through the Thinning Veil,” where things become very woo-woo very quickly.

It also includes the horror, fairytale audio story I posted last year, “the silk farmer.”

I updated that post with the first drop of my FALL FANTASY clothing line on Depop!

I love autumn because it’s Renn Faire and just the overall magick season. I often create magical art on clothing, but I wanted to focus more on painting fae and other fantastical beings. My clothing line is size-inclusive, and I do customs as well!

If you see a piece and want to negotiate the price with money or partial trades, feel free to email me at hello@malachilily.com. I stopped cross-posting on my online shop because it’s too much work. Depop reaches a broader audience. However, due to fees and the “offer” feature on Depop, the prices are higher, so I’m willing to haggle and barter!